It’s on every list of what makes a man attractive.
A Sense Of Humor.
Ask any girl and she will say that it is one of the most important things a guy can do, make her laugh.
Yet, most guys who are seriously funny, do not really get any action. If we took, as a fact, that humor is sexy and defined humor as the ability to crack jokes and make people laugh, then Russell Peters and Gabriel Iglesias should be “mackin hoes” all the time.
But that is far from the truth.
I know that they get the sort of action they are looking for, but it is due to their fame and not their humorabilities.
If you investigate this matter by yourself, which is something you should do, you should be coming with your own theories by now!
.. You will find that the guys who are the funniest fall down EXCLUSIVELY in the friend zone, or even worse, the guy who thinks that humor is a plus and tries to use it to his advantage will swing between cringe-worthy and upright creepy.
Another realization you might have is that girls hook up and fall for ‘jerks -duh!’ and describe them as FUNNY, but to you, they are far from that. You might know a guy who gets laid like crazy yet he doesn’t really have any sense of humor!
Then how can Humor get you laid if all the masters of humor are friend-zoned?
And why girls describe some lame ass guys as funny when they aren’t?
Well, because they are talking about a different kind of humor.
And that’s what we will explore in todays quick article
You see, it all comes down to tension.
And that is the billionth time I have mentioned tension.
I mention tension a lot because it is very underrated. People do not really understand the power of manipulating tension. Now as I and many others agree on, humor is some form of tension release. It is not exclusively a reaction due to tension release, yet a good part of it is.
A guy who is all about joking is oblivious to this fact. He might be creating tension and releasing it right, but he is creating an identity out of the fact that he is funny. So the more he aims to make people laugh, the more that this is all what he will ever be, sorry for this, but the longer he tries to be the funny guy the more it will make him the groups clown. If you aim to make people laugh, then by definition you are a clown.
Now I am not talking about trying to make someone laugh because they are going through a rough time and you want to see them happy. I am talking about using Humor as your ticket to be accepted in a group or to think that it might be you ticket to pussyland. Just like the nice guy tactics, using humor, money, fame, status or anything similar to gain access or acceptance to a group of people doesn’t work. That is one definition of neediness, offering something in the hopes of getting something you need in return.
Now, some girls will be down to that, in fact a lot of relationships are built on such value exchange. So it does work to an extent, but it doesn’t work in the sense that I am trying to convey here in this blog. I am trying to teach you how to be valuable by yourself, and not how to posses something valuable.
…I always go off topic a lot I know.
So, lets just focus on humor.
Trying to be funny, trying to make people laugh in order to get anything in return will backfire. The sexy Humor is the self amusment kind of humor.
From afar the sexy humor and the clownish humor look somehow similar, the difference is that one is taking you to the friend-zone at best and one is taking you to her bed at least.
I am unable to fully pinpoint how people, specially girls, can tell when you are doing something for your own self amusement or when you are doing something to gain a reaction. Some people would argue that it is obvious from the body language and as such, but that is not true. I have been experimenting for the last couple of months with the whole body language thing, and I can safely tell you it is mostly Bullshit.
I did all the big no no’s in body language and still pulled like usual, and I did the perfect body language demonstration and did strike out horribly.
People are not that good in detecting body language cues, it might be useful if you want to be a trained eye, to observe the world and better understand your surrounding. It might play a rule in sending cues between people, but the study of the perfect posture in hopes of getting laid out of it is just a waste of time. I was a believer in the whole perfect body language hype, but now I believe that it has more effect on you and how you behave than the people, when you think you are doing the perfect body language, you kind of trip yourself into thinking that you are charming, confident and etc. But if you are charming, confident, etc. it is not necessary that you will have a perfect body language.
It is worth a read, to just know the basics of body language, just do not waste your time focusing too much on perfecting it.
How many times did your perfectly erect stand, chest out, Bondish smirk and dominant posture got you laid?
No more than twice… Case Closed.
What I am noticing is that a girl gets attracted to an opener that is done slightly right until the guy doing it experience a shift in his emotions. And that shift could be either that he felt bad for seemingly getting negative reaction or felt excited for seemingly getting positive reaction. I believe that emotions are contagious, there aren’t enough evidence to back this up, but my own ‘Bro Science’ tells me that it is a fact. For me it is easily observable how much my mood affects the people around me, even if I tried to mask it. And this might tell us that we are able to detect emotions out of each other better than we expected, but the confusing part is that we don’t feel what someone is feeling, we feel something to someone.
To explain, you feel good towards someone without thinking that it might be because that someone is feeling good in themselves, and vice versa.
Now to apply this to humor, they say that the saddest people are always the funniest people in a group, and I think that is true to some extent, and I also think that it is detectable.
Like Tyler Durden said in fight club ” There Is A Sick Desperation In Your Laugh!”
You can feel that some funny guys are trying to mask a misery, it is too subtle but it is still there. And I think that is why funny guys strike out with girls, because this masking just simply doesn’t work.
I have found that living without any filters is what works best, being able to communicate everything that you are feeling and experiencing and thinking without the need to mask it and make it into something else.
Being this transparent, or filter free is different from being vulnerable.
I believe a man should have the sense of transparency I am talking about, but should never be vulnerable.
Will leave that to another article.
Back to Humor,
I hope I made a compelling case to why the traditionally and logically funny humor doesn’t really work.
The description of humor that girls find sexy is one of these:
1- Releasing tension by using AIMED humor:
That is what sexual puns do, and it is very sexy. If you do not know what a sexual pun is, it is any line that is seemingly innocent and casual yet it holds a very sexual undertone to it.
The easiest example is… “That’s what she said”.
That kind of humor is the humor that always release the tension in a way that still keeps sexuality alive between the masculine and the feminine. It is not aimed to making the girl laugh as much as it is aimed to create an undertone of sexuality between the two. sadly, a lot of people pull this off the wrong way and swing toward creepiness instead of wrecking dem panties. And that happens when you get too literal and too vulgar.
2- Dirty Humor:
it is exactly the opposite of sexual puns. In sexual puns, you say something funny and pass some sexuality with it, in dirty humor, you say something sexual and pass some humor with it. It is harder and more dangerous to pull of, and requires you to be very confident and at ease with your sexuality to deal with the shitstorms that WILL result from this from time to time.
And as our natural law goes, since it is more dangerous, it is more effective.
Use with caution.
I know, you are wondering what does a state of mind has to do with humor.
Well, presence has to do with everything.
Presence is Confidence, Presence is Charm, Presence is Humor, Presence is Sexy.
To be honest, I along with every one teaching seduction are mostly fooling your conscious logical mind to think that it knows what it is doing in order to make it shut up and do not disturb you expression of self.
It is only when you think you know everything there is to know that you are able to truly let go and embrace the moment.
Experience, knowledge and repetition do nothing more than making you let go, making you break free from your head into the world.
I am in my 30 days no-everything challenge, you would know that if you are following me on instagram.
So, I tend to write things that seem like new age hippy Bullshit when I am doing that challenge 🙂
I have about 80 articles on this blog so far, I have about 40 other articles coming in the next two months.
And I can delete them all if I can just teach you to be present. But it is not that easy. Because your mind will not let you go like that, it will not free you from your insecurities easily.
What about your money, your looks, your game, your height, your value, your etc.
It will not let you go until you are perfect, and you will never be perfect.
So you have to break free from that mental presence, and that will probably take a lifetime.
More on that later.
Focus john… focus..
So, presence in the sense of humor.
You can easily reach some sort of temporary presence with little practice.
You probably had a taste of presence if you play an instrument, and you have that one piece that you know so damn well and when you play it you just let go completely and become that instrument, and become that music.
Or when you are on fire, when you are in state, when your crush just told you that you are the coolest guy on earth, you achieved something you were trying hardly to achieve, all your friends love you and life seems so damn good!
Those are some tastes of presence, but the problem with those examples is that it is not true, it is situational presence and will ware off as soon as the external stimulant is over.
But it is a nice place to be for now.
to reach that in a group sitting or alone with a girl you have to let go.
To get out of your head and into the situation, the place, the vibe.
You will reach a state were you are feeling good in your own body, by yourself, without the need to anything. It is then that you will notice your humor moving between childish clownish humor to dirty humor to innocent sexual puns to utter silliness. and that is as SEXY as it gets.
That humor is as attractive as it gets.
And the funny thing is that, when you are alone with a girl and you reach that, she will also reach the same state as you. And I believe that is why it is so sexy. Not because of how funny you become or how silly you both become, but because you freed her.
She felt free with you, she lost the need to impress because you are not trying to impress.
And that is both sexy and unique, only few people can pull that sort of state around others.
Most of us are just perfection junkies, we want to look out best and say the funnies most charming things and do all things right and be this fucking piece of perfection.
But that is not possible, and if it was possible, it is surely not natural
Chaos and randomness is what makes life beautiful.
Some of you will mix this kind of vibe with a friend vibe, and some might take it the wrong way and end up in the friend zone.
It will take another article to explain the different kinds of vibes and how to pull them right.
But to summarize and end this article;
Humor for the sake of making people laugh and accept you will backfire and end up in a disaster. Explore your edges with humor, do not do it to gain acceptance and gain rapport. If you feel the need to use humor to achieve something, then only use it to set a sexual tone with the girl. do not push it too much, yet still explore around your comfort zone and experiment, different girls will tolerate different levels. Fuck up it is ok, but be aware of what you are doing and if you offended someone with that humor then apologies sincerely and explain that it is your way of humor. say what makes you a bit uncomfortable until you are comfortable with it and expand accordingly. Work on getting more present with the moment, meditate and start trusting yourself more, drop the seek for perfection and enjoy the moments for what they are, and if that is too much for you, at least tell yourself that at the moment when you are with the girl there is no place to fix anything that you think is wrong with you, in that moment it is only you and her, and she is around you, and talking to you because she at least see a possibility in you. regardless, enjoy your moments and encourage people to enjoy theirs too. Help people break free from their prison by breaking out from yours first, do not explain it, do not show them how, but just do it and they will follow. Sex is fun, but the moments and the laughs you will share with the girl is equally as fun, do not let society push you into thinking that you should get sex all the time, and that is coming from a sex addict 🙂 , Sex is fun, you should go for it if you want it, do not hold yourself back and rationalize that it is ok not to go for sex because john said it is not always necessary to go for sex.
If you would want to sleep with a girl or make her your girlfriend or whatever, it is ok TO GO FOR IT AND STRIKE OUT.
IT IS OK TO TRY AND FAIL, you shouldn’t get all butt-hurt if she did not want to sleep with you or be with you or etc. That is ok, you enjoyed the moment and just move on.
IT IS NOT OK TO MASK YOUR WANTS AND NEEDS AS A MAN AND BE THAT ORBITING FRIEND THAT ALWAYS WISH AND NEVER DO.
THAT IS NOT OK.
That is it for this article, these are the types of humor that will get you laid, along with lots and lots of randomness.
Until next time,