*Art pieces by the amazing Leonid Afremov.
On Love, the second most requested article ever
I got so many requests to write about love in the interpersonal relationship sense.
To write about what I think of love between the two sexes, and explain how my lifestyle and what I usually advocate on my blog could be incorporated into a love-filled life.
I delayed this article this far due to my prior lack of enough knowledge on this topic and my parallel involvement in a situation that provided me with the required insight on the whole love matter.
Yes, it was my most painful lesson ever.
But hey, it gave me the ability to write such a kick-ass article, so it might be worth it after all.
To cover the topic of love I decided to write two articles, this one in the form of a free-flowing rant, meaning it will be loosely formatted and somehow out-of-order.
And an upcoming article titled “How To Get Over Love”.
In this article, I will talk about my observations and opinions on love and lovers, the different kinds of love, I will touch briefly on my experience with love, explain why I think love is dangerous and end it with a conclusion on the whole subject.
Please forgive any editing/language mistakes. Hope you enjoy it.
See Also: How To Become The Bad Boy That Women Love!
Probably one of the most controversial topics ever, love. With opinions ranging from a “product of the imagination” to a life purpose.
A very vague and contextual term used by people all the time, yet rarely discussed.
It is one of the most avoided topics in the Manosphere, RedPill, PUA and any community that claims a connection to the masculine.
A word that is so associated with the feminine, because a girl loves but a guy shouldn’t.
A guy should just pump it and dump it, U know wt I mean bro..
That’s how society forces men to view the topic of love.
Love is for girls, gays, and the losers.
This obnoxiousity has some truth and necessity to it.
There was no place for love and the shitshow that comes with it in the lives of men centuries ago, it was too much investment, too much effort, and too much wasted energy.
Men did fall in love before, they simply did not give it that much attention because of the bigger shitshow of “survive for another day” that made the burden of such emotional hurricane bearable.
Until we arrived at our current age, where our survivability is guaranteed and our emotional well-being is brought to the front.
The current times pushed our emotions to the center stage of our lives, and so the effects and consequences of love are amplified, and they need someone to address them.
It is as enjoyable and hurtful for both genders, yet with a shockingly more intensity on the masculine side.
Society got us believing otherwise.
Our lack of empathy and understanding of how emotions work made us come up with such unnatural constraints on love.
See Also: Easiest Way To Get Laid
Those who free themselves from such constraints usually go on glorifying love beyond what it really is.
Love is not a pathetic dream nor a life purpose, it is just another emotion, as true as any other and as significant as any other.
Love is usually out of circumstances and definitely, doesn’t hold any special meaning.
Love is just another emotion.
Regardless of how hard I try to keep this article unbiased, I still tend to lean more towards describing love as a painful experience, simply because, in my experience, it was.
So please keep that in mind.
I still think love is something great, but the way we misinterpret that emotion makes us destroy the beauty of love.
For the purposes of this article, I will talk about 3 main types of love, they are all equally true, equally important and equally relevant to the one experiencing the emotion.
Our understanding of what kind of love we are experiencing or what kind of love we are looking for would help us make love a more enjoyable experience.
1- The fairytale love: The belief that love is the most powerful and important thing in the universe, we should seek it and when we find it we will feel complete, and without it, we are flawed.
Generally, this kind of love is where the soul mates and such beliefs exist. Now for someone experiencing or anticipating such feeling, it is true, important and very relevant. Yet this kind of love is the most dangerous, simply because love as the warm feeling we experience early on in the relationship will not last, and what is left of that feeling can never and will never live up to such standards.
Love, regardless of how intense and real it feels right now is an emotion, that was triggered by certain circumstances and as any other emotion, it will seize to exist.
That love will stop, you will stop having all those warm feelings of the past towards your partner, not because there is something wrong with you, not because there is something wrong with your partner, not because the gods sought to give you another soul mate.
It is just human nature, it is biology at play.
And since you associated love with such high standards and meanings, after the warm feelings subside, the relationship will fall.
To get over this, you have to understand this:
You are now as complete as you will ever be, your sense of emptiness isn’t due to the lack of love, there are no soul mates, there are just compatible people.
2- The Ego Love: The most common, the most rational, and the most useful type of love. I did not call it The Ego Love because its uniqueness comes from the involvement of the ego, every type of love involves your ego.
I have called it The “Ego Love” because it feeds and benefits your ego.
The “Ego love” feeds your ego, the “Fairytale love” feeds a fantasy, and The “Real Love”, the last type of love I will talk about in this article feeds an altered sense of your soul… in other words, it feeds nothing.
The “Ego Love” exists in the grayish area between attachment and “Real Love”. It is when you love someone because of their beauty, status, humor and all that you can describe on paper, yet you care about them and their happiness and you forgive their mistakes just to save what you have with them.
With all that in mind, you still tend to seek an upgrade of them, and if one is available and certain, you might end the relationship between the two of you and move on with your upgrade.
The “Ego Love” is that love where at times you think you can love that person unconditionally, but then when their behavior starts to worsen you re-evaluate your stand and start to withdraw yourself from the situation for the sake of finding better. It is the love of “Gosh I love this person!” and the “Maybe I can do better“, all dependent on how your partner is performing in all aspects of their life.
Now, this kind of love is generally frowned upon, because of its “superficial” layers. Because when we admit to ourselves that what we hold with a person is grounded in reality, is uncertain, and is in need of constant monitoring, we kill that dream of “my other half”, we kill that hope of the happily ever after, and we wake up to the reality of the constant uncertainty.
We like to keep love in this special place of a supreme status to all of the other realities of life, we do not like to materialize it and make sense of it.
The “Ego love” is based on a type of relationship that is born out of an understanding that love was once started and it might end, it is based on clear and agreed upon standards that both parties have conscious control over.
Not very romantic.
We would like to keep the idea of a love that is unconditional, based on something inside of us and is there to last our lifetime.
3- The Real Love: It’s what built the Petit Trianon and Taj Mahal, it is what caused King Edward XIII of Britain to give up his throne, and it is the sole reason for many, many great books and songs.
It is not called The “Real Love” because it’s the only one that is real. All the types of love are real, your sense of them is what brings them to reality.
I called it The “Real Love” because society decided to call it that, because after judging the rationals who admit to dealing only with The “Ego Love”, people go on explaining an altered version of love, a one of purity and innocence, a one that transcends the physical and a one that is unbound and unconditional.
You know.. all that hippie bullshit.
They call that “Real Love”.
So I went on and called it that too, to make it easier for people to connect the dots on what I am talking about.
And because calling it The “Real Love” is much more attractive than calling it “When you decide to throw common sense in the trash” Love.
The “Real Love” is the curse of those who woke up from the fairytale, looked through the tricks of their ego, realized the true dynamics of relationships, and for some reason decided to go full retard.
They say you cannot decide who you will fall in love with, and that is partly true.
Some people you just won’t have any emotions towards, or they won’t have any emotions towards you. Some people you will just like and they will just like you.
But to love them, to love them is always your choice, or to be exact, it begins as your conscious choice.
You will hopefully reach a place where you realize how many options you have, you will encompass the vast amount of people that are available and willing to be a part of your life, you will live in that kind of great freedom and abundance of choice.
That sweet spot where you realize that the people who come into your life come because of your continuous invitation to them, not because of chance or luck.
When you reach that, you will like people due to the numerous and seemingly unexplainable reasons, but you will continuously decide whether you want to move things into love or not.
A choice that seems so innocent and miniature, yet if things went wrong, will cause you one of the most painful and awful experiences of your life. You will look back at that late night when you thought to yourself that you liked that person, and you will give them some of you, and wonder… Why the fuck did you do that…
“Real Love” is when you care about someone just so damn much, it is when you know that you can get a hotter, smarter, richer or whatever partner and yet you choose that one.
Because you went full retard.
Or at that moment, because they made you feel a certain way, maybe safe or awesome or alive or whatever.
Or because of a bullshit story, you told yourself, a misinterpretation of reality that led you astray.
I am obviously against this kind of love, as I stated above, my experience with it left a very bad taste in my mouth, other than that, this kind of love is not based in reality, it is very vague and lacks any kind of solid ground. Above all that, the price of it is just too damn high.
You risk losing more than you could ever hope of gaining.
And that is just too much of a bad deal.
These are the three main types of love, there are other types that cross the borders between asexual and a platonic relationship. But for the majority of people, those are the most interesting.
I realize that for some of you this is just some weak beta talk, it is not what you are here to read and it is definitely not the usual style of John Deus in his “Mackin hoes” articles.
I wrote this with a smirk on my face regardless of how much of shitty memories I got from remembering what I have been through. A smirk out of knowing that if I just had written this article three years ago, it would’ve been a 400-words article that contains the simplified message of “Stop being a pussy, go bang a new one.“
Because I was completely oblivious to this shitshow until I got through one.
And that is the main reason love is dangerous.
Love is amazing, just as long as it last.
But when it is over, it will be payback time.
You will pay back every little happy memory you had while in love, and you will pay it back in the most painful and gruesome way possible.
And if you are a guy, you will go through that experience completely unarmed, with all the odds against you.
I am not taking anything away from the heartbreak of a woman, I am just addressing the fact that society better-equipped women for a heartbreak than men.
Women are encouraged to express their emotions, men are not. Women get support from their family and friends, men rarely ever do. There are many other reasons that will overcomplicate the healing process for a guy going through a heartbreak, I will discuss that in-depth in the other part of this article called “Getting Over Love”.
On Love When It Is Great:
I don’t have much to say about love when it blossoms, my experience with love did not reach that far, it was just between ok and awful.
I have heard many great things about people spending their eternity in love, and I think it would be amazing if it really exists, I have my doubt about lasting love because of biological evidence, along with real-life observations of mine.
I just do not want to completely ruin the hopes of love for you, It should be up to you to discover.
But understand that you shouldn’t go out actively seeking love, it is not the kind of experience you should be hoping to go through because of all the risks that come with it.
Do not fight it much if it came your way, do not actively run from it.
Assist your situation, and understand that it might be over in a very hurtful way, and yet if you deemed it plausible, then go for it, fall in love.
The only time to actively avoid going “loves” way is when you are in critical moments of your life in terms of business and fitness, if something is requiring much of your attention and effort, then avoid love, because if it broke, it will knock you the fuck down and you will lose all the momentum you had before.
But if you are in comfort, if your life is going routinely without much stress, then go for it.
Know that to fall in love with someone is a big investment from your side, so make sure that you are investing in the right person, and if you are a guy, then focus on winning her attention and attraction and let her win your love, do not give it away easily.
If you realized that you are in too deep already, then embrace it, keep in mind that it might end, and it might end badly, yet do love her, and do love her right.
I speak about falling in love like it is a conscious decision that is under your control because it is.
Even though 99% of the world would disagree with me, I would still hold my ground and believe that it is your own conscious decision.
You fall in love with someone when you give them a bigger chunk of your time and attention.
The more time you give them the more in love you will be.
You are a bundle of memory, everything in you consist of memory, your DNA, your cells, your body, it is all memory.
Your consciousness and who you think you are, are also memory.
And when you give someone much time, when you invest that much into someone, in some way, they will physically become part of you, because they are part of your memory.
And that is why breakups hurt that much.
And on breakups, I have much to tell you.
From a guy that was physically stabbed – multiple times -, been through different types of physical and emotional abuse, and is living under consistent life threats, I can tell you that a heartbreak one of the worst experiences I have been through.
Do not let anyone make you think that you are weak because you loved someone and it ended badly and now you are in pain.
It is ok, you should feel pain in case of a breakup.
This pain doesn’t take anything away from your self-worth or your strength, heartbreak is just an intense experience, and it breaks even the strongest of men.
The important thing is that you do not get stuck in it.
In heartbreak, excitement is your savior.
The easier it is for you to get excited, the easier it is for you to get over a heartbreak.
It is a very interesting feeling, excitement, it is like the ultimate emotional resetter.
Excitement takes center stage when you are experiencing it, it just blocks whatever other emotion you have. So do more of what excites you if you want to get over a breakup fast.
I still did not fully uncover the power of excitement, but you can easily observe how much it affects someone.
When a child cries because he wanted a toy in a store and his parents did not buy it for him, it is sad to watch but overall it is understandable.
But when a child is excited to do something and then someone takes that away from him, that shit tears you up.
It is hard to see the look on a child’s face when he has been let down after being excited.
And that also happens to you when you go through a heartbreak.
Love excited you, and she/he took that away from you.
And that is what gives you the initial shock.
It is when you realize that what is between you is over, in my experience, is the hardest part to swallow.
A girl will rarely ever directly end things with you, she will usually start by withdrawing her attention from you and start to distant herself. You will realize that there is something up and things are not going well, but you will not really register it in your brain until you see the emptiness in her eyes looking at you.
Even months after being over the whole experience I still remember that moment, looking at the eyes of a girl who meant the world to me while she is looking back at… some guy she knew.
It physically leaves a feeling of something being stuck in your chest and you are unable to swallow it. It silences everything in your brain, you just can not think of any thought. It is a complete silence up there.
You won’t be feeling pain at that time, it would just be that feeling of something stuck in your chest, and the doomed silence in your brain.
And then a slight voice will start echoing through the silence in your brain.
“But I really loved her.“
That is all that you could come up with, that you really loved her.
And then you realize the first painful realization of a chain of very dark realizations that are about to come your way.
And I think those thoughts and realizations are what creates hate between people, whether the misogynistic guy or the man-hating girl, I believe that at some point they loved someone badly and it fell apart, and their misunderstanding of the situation and how to deal with it caused their thoughts to go darker and darker until it ended up being pure hatred.
Even I with all my “assumed knowledge” swung so close to hatred.
It is painful, to realize that your only excuse, “I really loved her” doesn’t mean anything.
It is painful to know that it meant nothing to her.
And it is more painful to realize that it meant nothing to you too.
This “I really loved her” is the most meaningless line you could ever say.
Because in the trial you are going through, saying “I was really tired” or “I was really mad” or “I was really whatever” would’ve meant something, would’ve been an excuse.
But “I really loved her” is just an empty statement.
And then you go into this dark and fucked up storm.
You know that what is causing you all this pain is just an illusion, you know that you can get someone else, someone better, you know you are dealing with an illusion and you have no actual reason to suffer.
You even see that illusion in your mind, but you see it taking you into a very dark place, and there is nothing you can do to stop it.
You start going through the painful experience of a heartbreak.
You need to realize that most of the pain is because of your ego.
A broken heart is a broken ego.
Depending on what “level” of love you are in determines your ego involvement.
Your ego will always be involved in your love and heartbreaks, but how much of it is involved depends on how much your ego is attached to that person.
Most people start off falling in love to feel more complete, and they view their partner as their completing factor, and that causes them to be more attached to that person.
If you are at that level, if you are in love to validate yourself or seek a meaning of yourself then all the pain you are feeling is because of your ego, and all you have to do is to shift the power back to yourself and realize that you are a complete living form in need of nothing external to survive, you can survive by yourself.
That is not a negative criticism, ego is a very important part of our human form, and if you are at that level, then luckily it is much easier for you to get over breakups.
The more whole you feel within yourself and the more grounded you are within yourself the less involved your ego will be in your love.
And the less your ego is involved, the more you will love her/him as a part of the whole, love her/him without the need to attach or to hold on to her/him.
Your ego will still always be involved, and it will try to take possession of her and be with her, so in your heartbreak recovery, you will always have to struggle with your ego.
The less your ego is involved in the situation the easier it is to win over it.
But when you win over your ego, when you detach from her and get the power back to yourself, the pain won’t be over yet.
Because after your ego, there is that part of you that loved her for everything she is, and you have to take care of that now.
I remember my experience was very confusing from the get-go, mainly because I was never the boyfriend, and suddenly started dealing with someone who I care about so much and that made me so afraid of fucking things up.
And I ended up fucking things up, the irony…
To make things less complicated for myself, I just thought that I want her to be healthy and safe. That is all I cared about, that is the part of me that loved her outside of my ego.
It is that because I cared about her so much that I stopped acting rationally, and I knew it.
I would freak out when I know that she is not feeling well or that she is sad.
A picture of her crying over wisdom tooth pain would ruin my day, even though I realize that it is not a big deal and it is nothing to worry about. I would still freak out, to me, she had to be safe and happy, period.
And then you realize how powerful love can be, it is powerful because it aligns everything in you when it comes to her.
To better explain this:
When you go to the gym, for example, the negative feelings you sometimes get are because of misalignment between your emotions, part of you is tired and part of you wants to build muscle and lose weight, and those conflicting feelings are what cause you to fall down the path you set for yourself.
When you love and care for someone too much, those kinds of conflicts seize to exist, everything that is you are in agreement that her safety and well-being remains above all.
And that is very, very powerful.
That is the most precious thing you can give anyone, because at that moment you know that if she got cancer you would probably fucking cure it.
The determination and the power that goes through you when she is in need are just amazing.
But it can also be suffocating to her because that is a violation of her own space.
And all that is not your responsibility.
The part of you that loved her beyond your ego, is that part of you that knew her, really knew her. Knew what she likes and hates, how she looks like when she is happy or sad, knew about her family and friends and how they are like, those neurons in your brain that are adjusted to her and how she is like.
All that is now irrelevant, all that is now unnecessary and all that is just wasted for nothing.
So you have to get rid of that part, and it is probably the most fucked up thing you will ever do to yourself.
It feels like that part of you that loved her is the most innocent and pure part of you, and now you have to kill it.
And that weakness your soul.
You feel weak, not tired, just weak.
I was watching a video by the amazing YouTubers, HudgeTwins, and in the video, they describe how weak you feel during a heartbreak.
“It feels like somebody could come up to you and smack the taste out of you, you fall on the ground and they piss on you, and you let them do it”
And damn it is accurate, you get that weak.
You decided to kill something that is part of you in some way, and that is not easy.
But you have to go on with it, and those will be some of the hardest days of your life, through them you do not feel like doing anything, you do not want to eat, you do not want to sleep, you don’t want to do anything, all you want is for that pain to subside.
A broken heart is so different from any other negative experience.
You will go through a lot of fucked up shit in your life, that is a given. Whenever you go through a bad experience, it feels like it is a huge hit to your “Soul”, it damages your soul, but never breaks it.
When you break up or lose someone, it breaks something in you, literally feels like something in you is shattered, probably that’s why it is the only feeling that we associate with the word “Break”, we call it a heart”break”.
When it comes to dealing with those negative emotions, you have many available options, most famously meditation, and psychotherapy. But they both fail in resolving a heartbreak.
I did try many, many things to help me recover from that experience, but it always feels like there is this wall between what I am doing and what I am feeling, and regardless of how much I try, I just can’t go through it.
A broken heart is not interested in a spiritual breakthrough, it is not interested in making sense of what is happening and what has happened. No matter how much effort you put into it, you just can’t turn around the experience and look at it from a different view.
A broken heart is only interested in resolving its issue, in resolving its pain on the same level in which it was created, and that makes it so much more complicated to deal with it.
A broken heart is what you deal with after you have dealt with your broken ego.
You can resolve a broken ego because you realize the mistakes and the errors you have made.
But a broken heart cannot be resolved, because there were no mistakes, it is a part of you that loved someone, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Even if you tried to gather every drop of awareness and every drop of experience in you to see through this tsunami of mind that you are going through, to look at the broken heart and see it for what it is, to see who is hurt and who is suffering, to look for the mistake to resolve, you just can’t.
There were no mistakes to fix.
And that’s why you can’t resolve a broken heart.
The only thing you can do – as cheesy as it may sound – is to kill it, to transcend out of it.
And to do that, to kill that part of you that loved her, you need to take the thought out of it, you need to silence it and you need to minimize it and see it as something unimportant.
You need to look at the part of you that loved her the same way she did, to look at it like it meant nothing.
And that is too damn painful.
If you let thought rule your broken heart, the pain will grow bigger and bigger until it consumes you, and you will never be out of it. Thought will bring back your ego into the pictures, and that will bring unanswerable questions into your mind, and those questions will do nothing but hurt you.
Thought will make you compare yourself to all their new partners, it will try to come up with false conclusions to what this breakup says about you and your worth, and that is very damaging.
A broken heart will not recover from getting the partner back, a broken heart is in pain because of your shattered self, because of your rejected gift.
The broken ego, on the other hand, will make you think that getting back together will resolve the issue. Your thoughts at this stage will make you remember only the good parts, and forget that what was between you two was more like a chewing gum that lost its taste and you just kept chewing it out of habit.
If your relationship did not blossom to that degree, your thoughts will super amplify her/his qualities and make her/him into the only girl/guy in the world that is for you, and that is MOST CERTAINLY FALSE!
I get that recurring theme in the emails that you guys send me, and that theme is either how to get her back or how you compare to the new lover.
Please stop that.
Even if you are better than the new lover in every single category, it won’t help. It might stroke your ego a bit, and that will complicate your case more than any other thing. It is a dead-end, do not go that way.
And never, ever go back to her/him.
There isn’t a single case where my answer would be to go back to her, ever.
Letting her go for good is a step you have to take to recover fast, promise yourself that whatever was between you two is over now, and you can not go back, it will be painful, but you have to hold on to that belief.
Understand that the girl/guy you once loved is dead to you the second they stopped loving you. Because whoever you loved, loved you back, and once they stop, they are no longer the same person.
Understand that relationships are hard to maintain without them being broken in the first place, a broken relationship is much harder to maintain in the long run than a new one.
Understand that you will neglect your self-worth and damage it if you try to get back to her, you gave her your most precious gift and she turned it down. If you beg someone to take your most precious thing, what would that say about it?
Understand that your partner doesn’t deserve you back. If you are hurting that much, that means you really loved them, and they did something wrong along the way that saved themselves on your expense. If you are the lowest of humankind and they are the pinnacle of our species, they do not deserve you.
Understand that there are many other people on earth that are way better than the one you lost, and most importantly, they hold the capability of loving you and appreciating your love the way you deserve.
You will have a hard time understanding all these while you are going through the darkness of the broken heart, but eventually, they will hit you all at once.
I remember the girl I was in love with, I remember looking at her like she was the most beautiful girl on earth. I remember the way I loved seeing her smile and how much she meant to me. I remember that in my mind, no girl could compare to her, even after it was over, even when I was suffering from the heartbreak.
Then one morning, just when I woke up, I suddenly did not feel that urging feeling to get out of the bed and get my morning coffee and just start my day, when you are going through the breakup, you feel like you need to keep yourself busy all the time.
But that day I did not feel like that, I just felt good out of the blue.
I thought maybe I am just having one of those days where you feel good for a while and then you get back to feeling shity, so I did not give it much of a thought.
Then walking down the road, I noticed a really pretty girl, and thought to myself “wow she is pretty, I gotta go talk to her” and then it hit me!
It has been so long that I did not feel really attracted to a girl!
I kept on sleeping with pretty girls all the time, even in the lowest points of the breakup, but they were pretty as an idea, they were girls that have the boobs and asses that I like, but there wasn’t this raw attraction.
And that is the ultimate sign that you are over the heartbreak.
You get back to feeling raw attraction to other people.
And it feels so good and so awesome, just because the pain is over, everything else stayed the same in your life, but that shitty pain is finally over.
A heartbreak will delude you into thinking that it will gradually get better, but it is not like that.
A heartbreak doesn’t get better by the day, but kind of goes back and forth between good and shitty.
When a heartbreak is over, it happens instantly, just like that. it doesn’t happen gradually.
And that is because you did not heal your broken heart, you killed it.
You have to pay close attention to this, because thinking that you healed will make you reactivate it by mistake.
And so you go back into your life, and there is nothing left to feel pain and suffering over.
You will even feel silly for wasting that much time over that, and you will question if you were feeling that bad just because of THAT!
You feel stupid, you wonder why the fuck did you do that, why did you suffer that much for one person.
You feel a bit of sadness because you look back at your ex and he/she is no longer that pretty or special. You might hear that they are doing bad or good but you will be all out of fucks to give.
They just do not matter to you anymore, they become like the stranger you never met, or even worse.
It kind of leave you repulsed by their presence, it is like you do not want them in your life anymore, it is like your brain did put all the blame on them for all the bad things you went through.
But finally understand that it was not their fault, it was yours, it is always your fault.
You are the one who chose, and you fucked it up.
You are the one who started acting stupid when you should’ve just let them go, you fucked up.
Just wish them happiness, really.
Regardless of what they did to you, wish them happiness and wish that they find what they are looking for.
They once meant a lot to you, do not deny it.
To keep them in your life or to remove them is your choice, but stay away from them until you are fully over it.
And after you are completely over the heartbreak, I promise you this.
Your game will be the best it ever was.
You will effortlessly get a lot of sex and lots of cool lite relationships with new people.
And that is because of your complete and utter willingness to walk away, you will have ZERO clinginess or neediness.
If anything, you will be actively trying to make them like you less rather than more. At this point you will have no fucking interest in having someone in your life, you are only looking for fun, and you can find it in yourself.
You lost that one person that you really, REALLY did not want to lose, so you no longer try to pursue people or make them stay in your life, they are free to come and go as they please, you are solid in your own world.
And that is very, VERY SEXY!
My conclusion on love is that it is very dangerous and it is very unnecessary.
I do prefer my lifestyle of having lite “no strings attached” kind of relationships the way I do.
I do like and care about the people in my life, I just do not go that far with it.
It would still hurt when I lose the people I care about, but it is nothing like I described above.
To better understand it, liking girls the way I do is like playing paintball with them, it is all fun and games, it does hurt when you get shot, but you can just brush it off and move one. But when you love the one is when you decide to take away her paintball gun and give her a damn shotgun, she did not ask for it, you just went full retard out of the blue, so you give her the shotgun, and then you realize how much of a big mistake you just did, it is no longer all fun and games, you realize that now if you get shot you’re fucked, and so you start doing all this weird stupid shit in order not to get shot, but it won’t work. Just like how you instinctively curl yourself in the face of a flying bullet knowing that it won’t do shit, you start acting all stupid and pathetic just because you do not want to get shot.
In your mind your actions are justified, you just did not want to get hurt, you really, really did not want to get shot.
But in her/his mind, you are no longer attractive.
This is by far the longest article I have ever written, and the most dramatic.
Sorry for all the nightmares I gave you about love. It is up to you to see it in this light or not.
And I hope you fall in love and look back on this article and think that I was being silly and not making any sense because the love you are experiencing is fucking awesome, I sincerely hope that.
If you had to take something out this, it is that regardless of what happens, do not hate.
Do not hate the person, do not hate the gender, do not hate the race, do not hate anything.
It was your choice, stand up to it and take responsibility.
And do not let your heartbreak and failings define you, they do not, they say nothing about you, they just describe a certain scenario with many uncontrollable elements.
I do not think I will give love another chance, it was my one and only experience. While I know it was with the wrong girl in the wrong time in the wrong everything.To me, It feels just the same as if you have never eaten a strawberry, and the first strawberry you ever try is a rotten one, you know it is not the best strawberry, but that horrible taste it leaves in your mouth will make you probably think ” I think I will just stick to the other fruits!“
I like the kind of relationships I am having now, and they are very fulfilling to me.
I deem love as unnecessary and a waste of time and energy, that was my case.
The only beautiful thing in my experience with love was my realization that I, – the narcissistic, egoistic asshole I am, – can love someone else and can really care about someone else, other than that, it was something that had little tiny moments of happiness, those days were she brightened my day and those other days where I brightened hers.
It sucks on its own level to love someone that much and they eventually get over you while you are still deeply in love with them, it sucks on its own level to have somebody steal and deny you the opportunity of expressing yourself to them and to judge you based on some mistake you did.
The rest is up to you, choose wisely.
This is one od the greatest articles I have ever read, great job John!
It was about time we saw a more human John, thank you for sharing something that it can bring bad memories to you,
I don’t want to sound misogynist, but I only see guys hurting, Betas, Alphas, whatever you wanna call them, they all went throw shit with a woman, the kind of shit that leaves a scar in you, it may help you grow, but it is still a scar. I see women just going from one guy to another like it was a walk in the park, but somehow, guys get the bad fame of being heartbreakers when the truth is the opposite, guys get their heart broken much deeper, much harder, much worse. Is it because guys have to chase women, and because of that they create attachment faster and harder? Because they have to fight for her attention and when they get her they give importance to her as we give importance to everything we have to work hard to get? is it because women have a lot a of options?.
I mean no disrespect to women, I have a lot of female friends, and I do mean a lot, I see how they deal with man, Its heartbreaking just to watch, I feel bad for the guys I don’t even know
The thing you describe, where you were worried about her being in pain and that ruined your day, that you love her so much you just want her happy, thats fucking awesome!!!! to be honest, I never saw a woman display that kind of affection towards a man, I don’t think I ever saw a woman take care of her man for once. it would be refreshing to see it. I do believe there are woman like this out there, it would be impossible to not exist caring good women, out of 3,5 Billion, but is it just me or is it getting more rare to see it these days?
Is it because of all the feminism movements happening? and girls think that if they put effort in man they are being submissive or they are giving man power? IF THAT IS THE REASON AND IF THERE ARE ANY GIRLS READING THIS… THAT IS BULLSHIT, I’M ALL IN FAVOR OF EQUAL RIGHTS!!! TREATING A MAN RIGHT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE SUBJECTING TO THEM!!!! IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE INFERIOR!!!
I would like some opinions and discuss this further, and would love a girls perspective on this and on the things John shared
dude it not just about girls….it about people….
Both the masculine and the feminine use the word love yet mean usually different things. A man can never love like a woman love and a woman can never love like a man love.
There is a darker side to this, and as I said, I do not want to ruin the hopes of love for everyone.
But the love as the deep investment in someone’s well-being goes like this.
A man loves a woman, A woman loves a child and a child loves toys and pet animals.
I would say that we should not invest heavily in any human. I have read an ancient Indian book that had a very amazing paragraph talking about love, it was a very loosely translated book but the general idea of it was that they say a man is born half himself and half nature, and when he falls in love, he takes out nature and gives that half to the woman, and so mother nature gets so jealous and angry she just toys you apart as a punishment.
It is a nice thought, and it puts things in perspective. You ignored the vast majority of life and all the things in it and shrunk your perspective to include that single human, and that cannot be right.
You have to experience that feeling and get your heart broken to realize it is not something you want to do.
Just like the first time you burnt yourself or did something stupid as a kid to learn the nature of that action.
But still, care about and love women, because what you are saying could after time be altered to hate.
I always loved reading your articles. This one is the best you’v wrote so far!
Will try, thanks!
Mr.Deus ,i appreciate all of your articles,and i am following your work for quite some time,but this time,i want to thank you for the song you posted on this article,seriously,this tune is fucking awesome…cheers!
The artists are friends of a friend of mine and they are from my country, I found them pretty talented and thought the song fits the theme.
Share their video if you can.
Truly one of your best
I just always have that feeling of uncertainty whenever I’m in love with someone.. I kinda always fear not being loved back and this fear then ruins it
Do not care about being loved back that much, if someone is around, and if they invest in you as much as you do in them, then they love you just enough.
ya like really dude….love… like really….. like really…
like… I don’t know what do you mean..
like you moderate the comments……what? Are you afraid that that small shity group of people are gonna know what people think of you…..stop moderating……show them everything
Which shitty group of people? And I moderate because there is a shitload of spam comments on here and some really long comments that should be emails instead.
Ive been following your blog for almost a year or more.
Im 17, and I can say that you have changed the way I see the world, I may not be he only teen that reads this, and I asure you, you play a role in our lives.
Greetings from Cancún, Mexico.
By the way, thank you, my life keeps getting better and better.
He changes life in many ways now my friends say that they see a great potential in me. All thanks to John. D for impacting in me
Hailing from West Africa, Lagos, Nigeria.
Thank you, hope you keep on going.
If you need any help, don’t hesitate to contact me on [email protected]
I love you John. I know this is what they all say but you seriously touch lives
Hey. I’m a girl and I just want to say I’m very sorry for your experience. It must have been painful to go through all those emotions. But believe me, when the time comes you will find true love. Yes, TRUE LOVE. The one that doesn’t make you fee like a burden, but makes you truly happy and sets you free.
I know you’re great a sex but one quote from a movie: “The secret ingredient to sex is love” . You will soon find out.
And imagine your 80-year-old self, sex wouldn’t be as good, but love is what keeps you alive.
I wish you all the best.
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