Be A Source Of Validation

by John Deus

*This article is not edited, please excuse any mistakes. 

*If you would like to contribute to this community, please write in the comment section any language error you find in this article and how to fix it, Thanks. 


It has been a long time since I wrote anything, A couple of days ago I realized I was asleep – more like in a coma – for the past two years (metaphorically speaking)

Hopefully, I am fully awake and back on track now. 

Let us start with today’s article: 

The other day I was having dinner with a friend at a fancy restaurant. I noticed two old men coming in, they did not stand out in any way. They were wearing casual clothes, did not seem rich or famous.  

Yet they were getting a massive amount of attention from the staff working there. Everyone was so eager to serve them in the best possible way, I noticed the nervousness on the restaurant manager face as he called the chef for a little chat, all the waiters were basically roaming the table where those old men sat down.

I would’ve thought they were the owners of the place, but I am a regular there and I know the owner. So I had to know the story.

I called a waiter and asked about it.

It turns out that they are some famous restaurant critics working for a major magazine.

And that moment was my inspiration for this post.

You see, this eagerness to please that the staff clearly showed to the two old, smelly men.. you can get this same reaction from almost any girl.

You can get (almost) any girl to try her best to impress you, desperately wanting your attention… YOUR VALIDATION.

Here is how…

Do you know why restaurant staff try so hard to impress restaurant critics?

It is because they are a source of validation for restaurants.

What they think of that restaurant does matter, and it matters a lot!

Restaurant critics do differ from one another, a restaurant critic working for a major Magazine holds so much more value than a critic working for a mediocre tabloid.

Sure, a good restaurant manager would try his best to please both of them, but you can bet your money that he will try 1000x times more to impress the critic working for the major magazine.

And there lies the secret.

You see, in some way, everyone is a critic of everyone.

We are basically a species obsessed with judging, rating and validating others.

And we are also obsessed with being positively judged, rated and validated.

But, some people’s opinion matters way more than others.

When a bum tells you that you are an ugly fucker for not giving him some change, it won’t matter that much, but when a hot babe says the exact same words, damn they might stick for a while. – more on not giving a fuck about that later.

Your goal is to become a source of validation, to make your words count to others.

And if you became that, people will eagerly try to please you, to impress you and to seek your validation.

How can you become a source of validation?

How could a Victoria Secret model seek your validation? Seek your “Ya, you are kinda cute”?

Let us break it down…

You have to understand that it is all about exposure.

To make your word count, it must be heard by many people. That is the idea behind celebrities and endorsement.

When a restaurant critic working for a Major magazine says that restaurant X sucks, that means a hell lot of people will read that.

Now they may or may not agree with that, and that will lead us to our next point.

You should not give compliments easily, people should really win your words, your approval.

When you say the word ” beautiful” a lot, and to any girl, that word will lose its value, people will no longer care about what you think because you clearly give positive feedback easily, you are easily impressed.

Being easily impressed means that you haven’t seen that much in your life, while giving a slight smirk to her when she walks in on you with a brand new lingerie she just bought to impress you will show her that you have seen many stunners before her, and when you get up, start kissing her and tell her she looks good, you will be sure as hell she will be remembering it with a smile on her face for at least a week.


Because she earned it, because she understands that you are hard to impress, and she understands that you are completely honest.

Which takes us to the next point.

Be brutally honest, at all times.

This means that you will upset people, quite a lot. It is impossible that you agree with everything that is being said in a certain social setting. People have opinions, some you agree with and some you simply don’t.

Other than that, People will try to lower your value by jokingly insulting you. It will always happen in any social setting with hot females and horny single guys.

I should write a blog post just about that, it could actually be the reason why you are not getting good results in gaming girls.

People around you – mostly your friends – are damaging your image and value in front of everyone while you are obviously smiling and being “polite”. Later on that. 

Being honest means that you have no filters, and thus it means that you are telling the truth, you are not trying to “seem” nice and you are not trying to please people.

This will make everyone try their best to be validated by you. This will become super clear when you “neg” a girl about her dress, shoes etc. Given the fact that you have pulled it off correctly, in a funny, assholish way with a smirk on your face. She will surely chase your validation back for the rest of the night.

Being out there, grounded, clear in your own intent, passionate, unafraid to express yourself, pulling a “This is me” mentality and sure of yourself…. This is what makes you a man, not your money, not your looks. 


The more value you have, the more your words will matter and thus more people will chase your validation. 

Get on track to becoming a presence, an individual that truly matters. 

Enough with the blending in mentality. 

Share the wisdom gentlemen.


John Deus

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The London Dater July 28, 2015 - 5:16 pm

Hi John.

It’s great to hear you’ll be posting more regularly – and I loved this post. I’ll be off to share it on Twitter in a second.

question:What if you DO think that a guy’s joke is funny or a meal is nice or a girl looks great in lingerie. Do you keep those thoughts to yourself just to appear high-value? What happened to spreading love and appreciation?

John Deus July 29, 2015 - 11:56 pm

The point is to be honest, if you like something you state it.

But it must be coupled with being hardly impressed, after getting your fair share of experience the number of girls that you find beutiful, sexy… etc. Dratisticly drops down. And so on for any other quality.

Most people compliment each other for the sake of appealing to other and trying to create rapport. I am fully on against that.

A freedom in expressing yourself means that you will state both the positive and the negative. Running around giving compliments doesn’t represent that.


Alex July 30, 2015 - 7:54 pm

Great article as always john

Demidog July 30, 2015 - 8:33 pm

Hi. Can u expand on this : “People will try to lower your value by jokingly insulting you.” The thing is, I think I have no value. I have no real friends. I haven’t accomplished anything. Am just being real, not depressing or looking a pityparty. I realize only thing I have is looks, and honestly I don’t find myself attractive, but I guess other people do. Which brings me to quote from your post, even guys I consider “alpha” try to bring me down so to speak, exactly how u decribe it, but I’m literally doing nothing! Can it be that just my presence threatens them? What is going on? What is best way to deal with it? I find it if I react, I’m getting into a fight I can’t win, and honestly it makes no sense to even participate, because the butthurt in their face and voice is obvious. I mostly smirk and ignore, or I something comes to my mind I respond. Any advice?

John Deus August 28, 2015 - 6:57 pm

You should read my latest article on missing out on life.

Realize that if people are being aggressive with you and actively trying to provoke you, it is because they view you as a threat, and that means you somehow give off a good vibe that other men are intimidated with.

Also, what do you think that the people around you have accomplished? do you hang out with celebrities and billionaires, or just random dudes in a bar?

There is not much to accomplish to be enough.
You are enough the way you are now, start acting like it.

A smirk is always the winning move in any situation.
For now, you should avoid physical conflict and just look the guy dead in the eye with a smirk on your face… you do not have to say anything.

It is a very complicated topic and I will write an article aout it in the near future.


John Deus October 1, 2015 - 8:47 pm


“I think I have no value”

You are one of the most complicated organism on earth, and so far the whole universe.
You have the ability to create, to share, to explore, to inspire.
You can make another human, smile, laugh, cry, enjoy.
You can destroy, you can build, you can create life and you can take it.

You think you got no value….

Back to your question.
Would you ever challenge or lower the value of an 8 years old?
no… why?
because he is not a threat to your value… so what is the point.
so yes, they view you as a threat, or could be an easy target to show off on.
but my guess is that they view you as a threat.
how to deal with it is very complex and situational. I will dedicate a complete article on that later.

But a smile and sharp eye contact.
It is the perfect response for now.

vince November 13, 2015 - 2:25 am

I can hold my own in a fight against men 20% bigger than me…However, I often find men trying to provoke me until I started to lift more weights. Now the women try to get their men to provoke me…

I am a potential threat physically but I guess they smell a slight nervousness or fear in my demeanor(not of being beaten physically but of being excluded socially)

Natalie August 2, 2015 - 1:50 am

I could add that there is no better feeling than when a girl feels that she has earned a compliment. It feels so good knowing that you actually stood out from other women in the eyes of a certin man.

Great point john!

Moe August 6, 2015 - 3:27 pm

Great article, thank you

Sebastian August 13, 2015 - 10:28 pm

Hey John.

I’ve been reading your articles for a while now and i think you truly changed my perspective on things. I’m looking forward to your next articles but it looks like you’re posting rarely. Please come back.

Thanks a lot for your work.

Gautam August 19, 2015 - 8:00 am

So much for weekly updates…WTF!

Rocco August 28, 2015 - 6:52 pm

Great article, greetings from germany!

Reply September 12, 2015 - 4:30 am

I blog frequently and I really thank you for your
information. The article has really peaked my interest.
I’m going to bookmark your website and keep
checking for new information about once a
week. I opted in for your Feed as well.

vince November 11, 2015 - 7:42 pm

“Being out there, grounded, clear in your own intent, passionate, unafraid to express yourself, pulling a “This is me” mentality and sure of yourself…. ”

Hot girls I meet have the last 3 in spades (but lack the first 3):
unafraid to express yourself,
pulling a “This is me” mentality and
sure of yourself….

Jaime October 13, 2016 - 9:15 am

This website is really interesting. I have bookmarked it.
Do you allow guest post on your website ? I can provide hi quality articles for you.
Let me know.

John Deus October 21, 2016 - 12:03 pm

Thank you, yes I do allow guest posts, please send it to [email protected]


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