Oneitis A.k.a That Special Girl, How To Get Over A Crush?

by John Deus

Oneitis/One itis: The definition, the reality, and the cure.Oneitis

Before talking about Oneitis, let’s talk about Emotions:  a subjective, conscious experience characterized primarily by psychophysiological expressions, biological reactions, and mental states.

Emotions: what drive us and what drive us astray.

Emotions: what fucks us up the most as men Humans.  

Having emotions isn’t the worst part, being enslaved by them surely is. 

You are a slave to your emotions, probably, you will always be. Only a selected few evade it to be free from emotional slavery, to be masters of your soul. – As appealing as that may sound, it is one of the worst things a man can do to himself, a later article on that.

Oneitis or One-itis: A Feeling that a certain girl is one of a kind, unique, and no other girl could compete with her. You think she is the perfect one for you. You can’t get her out of your mind, although you didn’t know her for an extended period. 

Getting over Oneitis is the same as getting over your crush, going over the one that got away…, etc.

Oneitis is to be distinguished from getting over a past relationship, the period and reality of the connection between the two involved parties are the major differences here.

In the case of Oneitis, the relationship is very one-sided and very imaginary.

And the period is of actual contact between you and the girl is short in total.

Oneitis happens when you involve your emotions too often too early.

It varies in forms and degrees; from a newbie getting obsessed over a girl who doesn’t even know he exists, to a Supreme Man who had hundreds of 10’s in his life and can bed any girl effortlessly.

Damn that fucker inside your skull you call “brain,” he likes to fuck things up from time to time.

I‘ll go briefly on all main stages and degrees of Oneitis. I’ll link some stories from other Supreme Men who shared their experience with this self-inflicted disease.


When you haven’t slept with a girl yet and you are laying in bed thinking about her.

You are exhibiting symptoms of Oneitis.

When you had met a girl, chatted a bit, later she started ignoring you, and you tried harder to get her attention back.

You have a minor case of Oneitis. It would get worse with time unless you treat it carefully. 

When you haven’t slept with a girl yet, and you are laying in bed thinking of her in a romantic non-sexual way.

You are very close to catching Oneitis.

When you aren’t in a relationship with a girl but you think of her all the time. Get nervous before you speak to her. Stalk her around/Online and get jealous\anxious when someone talks to her.

You have a severe case of Oneitis, and the severity depends on time spent feeling these emotions. 

Oneitis is dangerous because most men enjoy having it, they refuse to give up on it until it becomes hardly treatable and self-destructive.

It is pretty easy to prevent 99% of Oneitis cases, but the remaining 1% is usually very severe and hard to handle.

The prevention consists of:

1- Never keep a girl in your mind for an extended period, if not at all:  a Supreme Man should be leading an exciting life full of activities and have no place or time for pathetic fantasies.

2- Never limit your contact to a single girl or a selected few: always have many cards on your table. Even if you met a special girl or not. Supreme men always have options or strive to provide options.”

3- Value second chances: if a girl ignored your text/phone call once, for whatever reason, cut all contact for at least a week.- Yes, you risk losing her, but she already risked losing you when she ignored you

If she didn’t care enough to re-initiate contact soon, then it is a sure sign she will ignore you again if you tried to communicate with her. – Understand that when a girl loses attractions towards you, investing more will make it even worse, excellent tips on this later.

No contact after the second time ignoring you? Drop it all and work on another gal.– a trick to deal with that later.

4-Never ask anyone on how to get a girl that have been ignoring you: don’t post it on forums. Don’t seek help at all. That is a sure way to Oneitis and a scarred self-esteem.



For the love of God, understand this, if a girl is ignoring you, there is no amount of game/routines you can throw her way to get her attention back. The more you try, the worse it will get. It is not what you say; it is the image of you in her head.

Chasing is needy; you will lose your value in her eyes, and ruin any chances to get back together in the future.


5-Scarcity: there are 7 billion people on earth, 3 billion chicks, 1.5 billion between the age of 18 and 30, 700 million bangable and 50 million are single and reasonably within your reach. Play your numbers, SHE IS NOT THE ONLY ONE!

6- Understand that Soulmate is a complete myth: the myth of “that one special girl,” you should know by now that it is a complete and total nonsense. If there is a soul for Oneitis, it would be this idea. The world is filled with awesome girls that you have access to and can bring into your life. Yes, there a selected few girls in the world that are unusual and hard to find. And these exact girls are the ones you do not want in your life. It is not about how good she is; all girls can be insanely awesome. It is how bad she can get; that is the thing you base your filters on- more on that later.

You have to value yourself, your time, and your presence to prevent 99% of this “disease.” 

As for the remaining 1% of the cases, I can’t list simple steps to prevent those. It is a very rare, undefined type of Oneitis, but it happens to the best of us.

As for the cure, there aren’t any pills yo can swallow to take that pain away.

Yes, as faggy as that sound, it is painful, it is one of the worst feelings a man can experience.

Many treatment options available, it might cure it, or just reduce the symptoms.

The most common:

Bang lots and lots of girls.

Some cases take around ten girls to fade completely, some take less, and some take way more.

You can read about My Case of Oneitis, Titled While She Was Dancing In The Water (Read HERE)

Other Treatment Option includes:

Channel that energy, and use it for something else.

I would recommend you to channel all those feeling into anger.

Yes, anger, not the scream&break shit kind of anger, but the silent, determined with a devilish look on your face kind of anger, the one that you use to heat up the fire inside you, the fire of supremacy.

Use it, whether you were hurt, whether your heart was torn out of your chest in the most brutal way possible, Use it.

Use it, light a fire to burn you into someone better, push you to a higher level of self, of dominance, of success.

If I met the girl in my Oneitis case, I wouldn’t be mad at her; I am appreciative of her for causing that to me.

You see, whenever a wuss starts to grow silently inside of you, only a girl can point it out and reveal it in the clearest way possible.

Only girls can see your hidden flaws; only girls can point them out for you. For you to forge a harder better self.

If you are feeling the heaviness of a Oneitis, I hope this will help

There is an infinite amount of women in this world, more than you will ever be able to meet in a single lifetime.

Most of them are great girls and would be perfect as long time partner if that is your aim. That one girl is not special; that was only you mind-fucking you. You are in love with the illusion of her and not her per Se. You are addicted to that image of her you created while mentally masturbating in your romantic fantasies. Those times you imagined her with you on a beach in a romantic setting is what caused your mind all this addiction, that is not her, she is probably not like that. She is not perfect or even close to perfection.

You will meet someone better or at least equal to her, just keep going. It sucks a lot. I know it! But fuck, this is one of those hard, amazing lessons of life. Nothing last forever, cherish the time you have, don’t waste it replaying memories or imagining scenarios that probably would never happen. She is 100% not thinking of you right now.

Take a look at yourself, smile, give yourself a pat on the pack. You survived this and now you have grown a bit.

Man the fuck up and move on.


To Recap In Short Lines,

How To Get Over Oneitis? 

1-Understand that The more you invest into making something work, the more that something will seem special and valuable to you, be aware of that illusion. 

2-Don’t go into scarcity mindset, there are girls in the world that are as awesome and as pretty as she is. 

3- Value the limited time you have on this earth and understand that there are better things to do than just feeling sorry for yourself. 

4- Meet other girls, and give them a chance to be themselves without comparing them to the girl from your oneitis case. 

5- Understand that the feelings you are feeling are real, yet they will go away, use that hurt and channel it into something useful. 


 Share the wisdom Gentlemen, Help those in need.

John Deus

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Roxxe January 26, 2015 - 6:20 am

Thank You For This John

Alex WonderMan January 26, 2015 - 6:21 am

One of your best articles ever!

Jad Nassar January 27, 2015 - 10:54 am

Exactly what i needed.
thanx john

John Deus March 1, 2015 - 9:09 pm

Welcome Jad

john February 23, 2015 - 12:50 am

Wise words, thanks for posting this and

I loved what you said here (quoted below):

“You are in love with the illusion of her and not her per Se. You are addicted to that image of her you have created while mentally masturbating in your romantic fantasies.”

“…cherish the time you have, don’t waste it replaying memories or imagining scenarios that probably would never happen. She is 100% not thinking of you right now.”

I’ll (sadly) review this post a few more times as I ease my way back to manning the fuck up!

John Deus February 23, 2015 - 1:08 am

Glad you liked it.

Do not sadly move out from your state to manning the fuck up, it has nothing to do with sadness.
Instead, be happy for this hard lesson of life and be even happier that you decided to do something about it instead of wallowing in your sadness.
This is something that 99% of men would never do.

You are becoming a 1%. Be happy for that.


john February 24, 2015 - 1:15 pm

Thanks JD!
For me, I think one-itis is really just us men procrastinating or refusing to put our time/effort into projects. We should get one-itis for our projects/hobbies/passions/friends/relations/job! And as you mentioned in your post, it’s also moving away from a scarcity mentality. I certainly have to remind myself that the world is abundant. Hard to see that when job security is no longer, the get-a-job-after-getting-a-degree forumla dones’t work, etc.

Look fwd to your posts! thanks for this site!

x February 25, 2015 - 7:00 am

I needed this, Thank You!

John Deus March 1, 2015 - 9:09 pm

You are welcome!

Wisdom April 7, 2015 - 10:11 pm

Thanks for this John. I’m going through my own battle of oneitis as I type this. I met this woman and fell hard on my face and didn’t even see it coming. I was fooled by the long hair make up and curves. I am a cool laid back guy. The day I made a move on her she said she just wanted to be friends. I did not take it personally I even made a joke of it. Even though on the inside it felt like a chest punch but I kept my composure. We hung out a few times after that and everything seemed cool. Then all of the sudden a cold trail. I didn’t see her for a few days. She was distant on social media, I did not talk or text her for a few days so on a Friday I sent a text and no response from her she was probably upset that I didn’t text her for a while or something. So I took myself off social media (I was getting too hooked anyway.) I knew deep inside that she would not reply. The text was just a form of closure for me. I didn’t follow up with “why won’t you talk to me” or any of that other obsessive stuff plus she knows I don’t take it personally. The funny thing is she lives in my town, hahahaha. I Looked up oneitis and found these articles so at least now I know what I need to do to nullify these symptoms and cure myself because I refuse to be a creepy stalker. If I ever see her I just have to act like she’s a ghost.

John Deus April 16, 2015 - 6:55 am

Good luck wisdom!
But do not hate her and ‘act like she is a ghost’. Act more disinterested, like she is some guy you just happened to know his name. Keep on being a laid back chilled guy, not a butt hurt one.

Sarthak April 20, 2015 - 12:17 pm

Dude… It was awesome.. like really.. some points were head on.. like …a lil deja vu!
but still, I feel the girl who is the probable candidate for giving me oneitis, is actually the best girl I’ve ever met..
either that or since I don’t open up easily to people, I am just imagining

John Deus April 27, 2015 - 6:07 am


It is probably the later, when you open up to a girl you will place her in some special place in your mind.

So get out of the “open up” mentality and just be full on transparent.

Later article on that.


Alex cameo May 2, 2015 - 4:52 pm

Just a brilliant article. Thank you so much for writing and sharing my man.

SW May 8, 2015 - 10:40 pm

This is my first time on the site and this article just blew me away. My life doesn’t begin with her nor does it end without her. You the man.

Giovanni May 24, 2015 - 5:32 am

Man i can’t tell you how badly i needed this because for the last 6(Yes 6!)years i have been having stupid fantasies about this girl and this has been the loudest fucking wake up call i’ve ever gotten, so thank you for that you have given me my sanity and my life back. Cheers.

Juan A. August 12, 2015 - 8:41 am

Thank you for sharing these sobering words of truth. I look forward towards your next articles.

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Vitali August 26, 2015 - 7:53 am

Really really great. And for those who still do not know how to overcome their oneitis. Just stop seeking for more information and read this text several times a day for some weeks till you permanently change your way of thinking. The best article I’ve read on that issue. It really helps. Just read & repeat

Kulture-shok September 16, 2015 - 6:41 pm

My situation is def not a unique one, but i hung out with this chic on two separate occasions and ended up making out with her on the 2nd meet up. Texted her 3 days later to set a date for the weekend. Gave me the busy excuse. Cool whatever, waited about 8 days to text her again, now here is where inm think i fucked up. I texted her, how was her weekend was, she promptly responded back which seemed positive., i took that “prompt” response as a sign of high attraction. So i projected that back writing back a lot. She never got back to me after that. Damn i can imagine one text message just deflating her attraction, but i guess it did. Anyway ive had the urge to hit her back up. Its been about 3 weeks already. Hmm perhaps not.

ohircyou3 October 12, 2015 - 7:11 pm

That was beautiful.

Noise February 12, 2016 - 11:13 am

Thanks man. Its just what I needed, though im just 17 so I dont really got the experience to say…

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feezo August 31, 2016 - 2:30 pm

for more than 6 years now i had been suffering from almost all these symptoms of oneitis but when i read this post at last i have find cure and i will use it

John Deus September 26, 2016 - 4:28 pm

Glad to hear that!

Juan Pablo November 19, 2016 - 3:22 pm

WOW, this was a punch of reality and realization of how can us people , get the f%#$@ up by oneitis, im happy to know that this is all just a matter of time. Thanks john

Josh Smith December 14, 2016 - 1:34 am

Wow this post is incredible. I have been a victim of this my entire life and never realized it. Thank you for this!!!

tini March 10, 2017 - 11:04 am

Dear God, I needed this article. I have been suffering from a sever case of oneitis for a year now. When I first met her, I tough of her as just a flirty coworker that was kinda cute. As time went on I liked her more and more. At first it was a just thought of her here and there, but soon it developed in a full blown unhealthy obsession. I become a nervous wreck around her and just trying to speak to her would make my heart go thousand miles per second. By the time I finally mustered the courage to ask her out she had no romantic interest in me, or maybe she never had any to begin with. She is now dating a new guy she met on our workplace and it is like a dagger to my hart every time I see them together. I relay wan`t to get her out of my head but, that is so hard when I see her every day on occasionally need to talk to her for work related things.

Mystic September 9, 2017 - 1:12 am

Thank you John I am forever grateful for this post.
Our minds are our greatest friend, or our worst enemy. We need to understand the illusions our minds. What is biased and what is factual.

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Shawn March 7, 2020 - 10:23 am

My oneitis girl at work is giving mixed signals. She stops replying to texts but still talks to me at work. I missed a day and she asked me where was I? I ask her to go out and she says maybe. Then comes to work with a hickey and I feel I’ll. This sucks!!!!


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