Your Emotions Decode: EP1
“An emotion is a complex psychological state that involves three distinct components: a subjective experience, a physiological response, and a behavioral or expressive response.”
(Hockenbury & Hockenbury, 2007)
I, John Deus, am emotionally “Kaputt”.
I am what people would call “Emotionally Damaged”.
I realized that even before I realized that Santa Clause doesn’t really exist.
We aren’t here to talk about me, we are here to talk about your emotional well-being, what emotions really are and how to handle them.
I had to start this article explaining something about me, since I am the one writing this article, I am the one who came up with these concepts, and you aren’t me.
Every idea, every concept, every theory, every opinion is an outcome of one or many individual experiences, and they are as valid and relevant as the self that came up with them is relevant and valid to you.
What I’m about to explain here is a collection of realizations that were born out from very unique life experiences and events, so it won’t be very relevant to someone who had never experienced such things.
It might sound foreign, a bit crazy, and a bit off the wall.
Even if you can’t resonate with the upcoming ideas, even if they don’t make sense to you, they will still help you expand your view and understanding of the insanely sophisticated human mind.
Plus, it is quite entertaining.
Emotions are universal.
That’s what Paul Ekman proved in his masterpiece Emotions Revealed, Second Edition: Recognizing Faces and Feelings to Improve Communication and Emotional Life.
That book is a must read for anyone wanting to step up their life skills.
What Paul Ekman proved was an idea dating back to Charles Darwin in a book published in 1872 called The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals.
Darwin hypothesized that “facial expressions of emotion are universal, not learned differently in each culture”.
Which Paul Ekman along with his team took to test, the test is detailed in the book above.
In short what Ekman did was, he took pictures of people while they are experiencing certain emotions, and then he went to people from different cultures and asked them to identify what emotion the subjects in the pictures are experiencing.
Ekman found out that even tribes living deep in the African jungles who were not in touch with current civilisation were able to identify the emotions and facial expressions of subjects in the pictures as good as anyone else.
Everyone was able to identify those emotions accurately.
That proved the point that our expression of certain emotions is universal.
Ekman’s initial research determined that there were six core emotions, which he termed universal emotions.
These original universal emotions are:
Happiness – symbolized by raising of the mouth corners (an obvious smile) and tightening of the eyelids
Sadness – symbolized by lowering of the mouth corners, the eyebrows descending to the inner corners and the eyelids drooping
Surprise – symbolized by eyebrows arching, eyes opening wide and exposing more white, with the jaw dropping slightly
Fear – symbolized by the upper eyelids raising, eyes opening and the lips stretching horizontally
Disgust – symbolized by the upper lip raising, nose bridge wrinkling and cheeks raising
Anger – symbolized by eyebrows lowering, lips pressing firmly and eyes bulging
Now this awesome finding proved in return that all mentally healthy humans experience these emotion regardless of their culture and background.
So far, this is all theories and ideas of great scientists and psychologists.
All of the above is not of my minds made.
Now comes my observations and findings on this matter.
I am not sure if there is any real science behind what I am about to say next, there might be.But through my research, I did not find anything that completely goes with what I am about to show here.
So, like everything you learn, don’t take it as an absolute truth, but rather question it.
I believe that we all have the above mentioned set of emotions, they are hard-coded in our genes.
But there are some factors that are left to our humane experience to determine, and those factors are:
1- What stimulant will trigger which emotion.
2- What intensity of stimulant will trigger an intense emotional response.
To clarify what I mean by stimulant here, it is anything that happens to you that triggers an emotion.
A stimulant could be anything; an experience, a word, a substance… etc.
Here is how I see it:
We are born with a set of emotions that have somehow an instinctive pre-built set of stimulant responsible for triggering different emotions.
But these set of stimulants aren’t as hardly coded as the emotions themselves.
These stimulants and the intensity they cause are somewhat easy to change in children until around the age of six.
There are some scientific studies that back that assumption up. It is theorized that we program our emotions and how they relate to the world directly up until the age of six, after that the direct programming stops and we tend to stick to that understanding for the rest of our life.
After a child reaches the age of 6, the window for “easy change” is closed and it becomes fairly hard to change the stimulant triggering your emotions or the intensity surrounding your emotions.
They remain changeable, but way harder than when you were a kid.
It is around that time that phobias and acute traumatic experiences happens, because they go directly into our minds programming, and if not dealt with correctly then they will leave a long lasting effect on the child’s emotional health.
So dear fathers, please don’t fuck up your children.
Treat them as perfect little angels until they are over 10, treat them fairly nice until they are 18, after that unleash any of the insanity you did hold up before.
Or just be a decent human and treat everyone nicely for life.
Regardless, even if you are a devilish abusive psychopath, suck it up for at least 6 years.
Any damage done in those year will leave a life lasting effect.
Don’t be that stupid.
You can observe the theory behind children and their programming of their own emotions easily.
If you have a little brother, cousin, etc. younger than six years old, you will notice that for example if they fall down, they will for a split second look around them before they react.
Even your mom know this, if a kid falls down and you run to him all freaked and worried, then he will cry his ass off.
Almost all mothers know that they should fight the urge to act instantly when their child falls off and instead they should just play it off cool so the child would assume that everything is alright and wont react intensely to the situation.
Now if the mother or the people around the child freak out and act with intensity, that would communicate to the child that the situation requires an intense emotional reaction.
Repeat these kinds of intense reactions enough times, and the child will become sensitive. Meaning that he/she will react in future situations to a certain thing with an unnecessary intensity of emotions.
I am obviously over simplifying everything here, there are more factors that come into play. but to help you better understand yourself and your emotions, it is best to simplify things to this extent.
This is still part one from what I can assume would be a 6 part series only dealing with decoding your own emotions.
So we will dig deeper in future articles.
Growing up sensitive is not much of a big problem.
The big problem happens when the parents or whomever is in the Childs life force the child to suppress the emotion he/she is feeling.
That is one easy way to fuck up your child for life 🙂
An emotionally healthy individual is an individual able to express his emotions in a matter that will effectively diffuse the energy of the emotion without causing any damage to the self or the surroundings.
This is very important to understand.
Emotions hold some energy to them.
Every emotion holds its own energy, and that energy MUST go somewhere.
Think of it like this:
Imagine you have a battery.
When you experience an emotion, that battery is charged a bit.
Some emotions fill up 1% of that battery, other fill up 40%.
And you have to spend that charge AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, or else, that charge will keep growing and it will cause more damage that it is supposed to.
That energy, if it was big enough, will turn into a body living inside of you if you did not deal with it correctly.
We all have some sort of pain body’s living inside of us.
Read The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment to gain more prospective on that topic.
You have to spend the energy of your emotions somewhere, light a light bulb or power a fucking city. You must get rid of that charge as soon as possible.
And the easiest and healthiest way to get rid of the energy behind the emotion is:
Expressing it through your body.
Cry, scream, jump, run, punch a wall.
All these are ways to express the emotion you are going through.
If you ever wondered why a child could fall down, feel the pain, cry and scream for a couple of minutes then go back to playing like nothing had ever happened.
That is why he is able to do that.
He express his emotion, he spends the energy of that emotion through his crying and screaming
He diffuses that emotion, and so it stops having an effect on him.
And that is how it is supposed to be.
That is as healthy as it get.
But our fucking glorious society forced us to stop doing that.
They start telling you growing up that it is not ok to act like that, you should behave like every other fucking bot in the matrix.
You are taught not to jump, not to laugh loud, not to scream not to cry.
And that is wrong, that is very wrong.
This society prison is bad for both genders, but it is way more horrible for men than it is for women.
Society allows the woman to cry and express, but for a man, that is not ok.
You can’t cry as a man.
What are you a fag? are you a girl?
Only girls cry!
That is the prison they forced upon us, public shame, group think that forces us to suppress our expressions, or else….
No, fuck them!
It is ok to cry.
If you feel like crying then by all means cry.
Fuck them, CRY.
There is a fine line between crying and being a cry baby, and I will save it for a later article.
But if you feel like crying, do it.
If you feel like jumping up and down, screaming, running or whatever, then fucking do it. If you don’t express your emotions, you will either suppress them long enough until you literally blow up and do something insanely stupid, or even worse, suppress them to the degree were you no longer are able to express them.
That is a dark and fucked up place, you don’t want to go there.
Your emotional health is more important than the judgment from the hordes of people who blindly follow an illusion of a society without fully understanding the wisdom behind it.
Society had a reason to come up with such strict rules that insist on lack of empathy towards male display of weakness and pain.
There are no known major culture on earth that ever tolerated the projection of weakness from the masculine gender in the form of crying.
It is only acceptable in the form of poetry and such creative acts.
Because It is dangerous for a mans well-being to express and get caught in his own emotions.
Expression for the sake of dwelling over what happened is different from expression for the sake of getting rid and defusing the energy of what happened.
And the difference come by observation and understanding of what is actually happening inside of you.
And that would be the main topic for the next article in the Emotions Decoded series.
Y0u have to understand that you shouldn’t suppress an emotion if it feels like it is pushing to come out.
Instead, you should completely let it express itself whether it is through crying or any other form of physical expression.
Modern day society is so confusing to the emotional part of our brains.
The food in the fridge, the unrecognized substances that we eat, the various form of entertainment available that take us on an emotional trip while in the comfort of our home, the differences in the temperature that your body go through daily, from hot water to air conditions, the weird sleeping patterns, the alternating light patterns between day and night.
These are MAJOR contributors to the mess happening to your emotions.
Your limbic system is unable to keep up with all these changes and so it gives back false indications through unexplained emotions.
That doesn’t mean those emotions are not real, that only means that they do not mean anything.
The pain you feel from a heart-break is real, it is very real.
It just no longer means anything.
It doesn’t mean that you are rejected and your genes are now in danger of not being passed along. Once upon a time in history that was the case, for a long time in history we did not have access to women, we were only limited to a certain set of women and if you fuck up with all these and rejected from the group then your chances of survival and passing your genes will drop drastically.
That is no longer the case, you have the capability to reach to 3.5 billion women in the universe.
But your limbic system doesn’t understand that, it assumes that this girl is the only girl for you and so it makes you go through that pain of loss.
Being able to see that WILL NOT cause the pain to subside.
You can’t reason with your emotion.
Your only channel to dealing with them is the old way, to express them.
And that is what you should do.
You can handle the daily bullshit in your life for the most part.
The day-to-day life, although charged with stimulants that gets your emotions firing like crazy, it is still manageable.
But it stops being tolerable when you go through an intense event.
A heartbreak, loss of a loved one, threat to your existence.. etc.
Such caliber of situation demand a response from your side.
You must express and diffuse the energy cause by emotions accompanying such events or else they will be a real problem.
You might be called a pussy, you might be thought of as less of a man if you cried.
But fuck it, if it is down to it, then by all means do it.
I can’t cry.
For some reason I am unable to cry.
I have teared up on few occasions, But never really broke down in tears.
And I would if I could.
Don’t care if I was walking in the mall, sitting between my family or even in a fucking important meeting.
If I felt that I will cry I wont try to fucking hold it.
I would cry, I would cry like a little bitch.
I wont even hold it until I am in solitude, I will just break down in tears and fuck what anyone would think of me.
You go through those intense emotions;
Someone you love might die, you might get your heart-broken, you might lose your job, lose your money, etc.
You have to express that, you have to get it out of your system.
Fuck what they think, just get that energy out of you.
Because if you reach a place where you are no longer able to express your emotion.
Where you are no longer able to cry or scream or whatever as a genuine emotional response, then you are fucked.
Those emotions won’t leave you, they will just keep roaming inside you and fuck you up.
You have created a pain body, and with enough time you will identify yourself with it.
No amount of spiritual enlightenment, emotional intelligence or self-awareness could let the energy go.
The best you can do is disassociate from the emotions and observe your soul getting raped over and over again. Not something you would want to go through.
Fuck that, let them judge you.
Even real men cry.
We are humans, life knocks us the fuck down sometimes.
And we have to react in a healthy matter, in order to get up and go back to doing whatever we were doing.
Don’t dwell on your emotion or your past failures.
The past is the past, let it take its course, let it get through you.
And come out of it without the energy or the intensity.
Leave it all behind.
If you do not express that energy, it will become a body living inside of you, and you will identify yourself with it.
And sadly this is more common than it should.
People go through something in their lives, they suppress it and its energy keeps building up until it becomes a body, and that body keeps getting charged more and more from all the negative things that happen in someones life, and slowly the individual will identify with that body.
He or she will become their own pain.
And it becomes that much harder to fix the problem than if they processed it the right way.
If they let it take its toll on them, if they expressed it, defuse it and let it go. They will walk away from anything with the least possible damage.
Express your emotions in healthy way.
Cry, scream, move, run, jump… etc.
Don’t harm yourself or others as an expression of your emotions.
If your body is leaning towards such thing then you have already created a body out of your pain, and you are about to identify yourself with it.
If you are at that stage, then you have to train yourself to observe those emotions for what they really are.
And that is what we will explore in the upcoming article in this series.
Remember, no matter how dark and sad your world seems.
No matter how much it feels like your life is fucked up and hopeless.
understand that the feeling is real, it just isn’t true.
It doesn’t mean anything.
Keep going on, and you will come out of it.
This is what you have to understand to know yourself:
You have this part of you, that is arguably far less intelligent and less developed than your logical part ‘Frontal lobe’.
We call it our ‘Emotional’ part. Todays society glorified it, and they tried to withdraw meaning and a clear purpose out of it. Todays society is built on getting you and me hooked inside our emotions, because only then they can sell us stuff. That is fine on some levels, but things went downhill when we started associating ourselves with our current emotions and we lost sight of the fact that these emotions are the outcome of an old system responsible for keeping us alive. That is the purpose of your emotions, to keep you alive. But we lost that and started thinking that our emotions define us. They don’t. Our emotions are nothing but a momentary experience indicating that either there is something wrong or there is something right in our life. it indicates that our current actions are either pushing us to expand and better our life, or they posses a danger to our existence.
Our logical part tries to rationalize those feelings, but our logic will never understand emotions, because emotions are felt not understood. So our logical brain, being unable to resolve to an outcome of ‘I don’t Know’ will come up with all bullshit reasons to why you are feeling what you are feeling, and the more you dwell on those thoughts, the more energy you will charge yourself and the more you will get caught up inside.
Don’t understand it, express it.
Your understanding will help you better express, but without expression you will not free yourself from the energy of your emotions.
From the never-ending pain you are caught up inside.
Your understanding will help you to not get caught in expressing yourself to unhealthy limits.
And that understanding comes from clear observation of what is happening inside you.