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Your Quick Guide to Dating a Polyamorous Woman: 15 Things to Consider
According to numerous social stereotypes, humans can hardly be described as monogamous beings. There definitely are individuals who spend their entire life with one and only person but the overwhelming majority of us sees meetings and breakups as a normal part of existence.
* “Sponsored” In the light of the growing sexual freedom, polyamory has become quite common and, what’s more important, quite acceptable. So you’ve met a special person (say, on European online dating site) but her approach to commitment is very different from what most of us are used to. Let’s leave psychological reasons why women look for multiple contacts behind for now and focus on tips how to make your poly couple work. “Sponsored” *
#1 It’s not gonna be a “normal” relationship
Most people tend to estimate things in the way they’ve been taught by their older relatives or teachers. How often do we put labels on other people and situations they experience? We grow up learning that some phenomena are obviously good and some are obviously bad. However, modern human society develops too rapidly to be guided by old-school convictions. Our minds become more flexible, diverse, and tolerant. So why not reconsider your understanding of what a relationship with a woman is?
#2 You two need to be ultimately honest with each other
Transparency is what makes any relationship successful. I used to know quite many poly guys and girls who failed to disclose their real intentions. They dated a few partners simultaneously and none of those was aware of it. If a poly woman you’ve met reveals her true essence, congrats! Seriously, it is great that she can freely express herself. Your task is to make a decision: are you ready for a polyamorous connection? And if your prospective lover doesn’t reveal her whole self, you actually need to encourage her openness with time.
#3 Start with negotiation
Most romances kick off spontaneously and new lovers switch to discussion only after a long while. This is, by the way, the reason why so many couples don’t survive the honeymoon phase. Since dating a poly girl is not the same as dating a commitment-oriented girl, you can’t wait for months. I do recommend you clarifying your relationship in the very beginning: talk about your goals, your preferences, and probable downsides.
#4 Find your win-win deal
If you are sure you can handle this relationship, you need to agree on how to act in different situations. Remember that a polyamorous lady is not willing to sacrifice her freedom in the name of your comfort and her romantic schedule can be relatively busy. Thus, you will barely be allowed to intrude her personal space every single time you feel the urge to see her. Draw up a plan! Discuss when and where you two would like to go on dates, how long you can maintain it all, and what might cause your breakup.
#5 Accept her lifestyle
If you have never had a polyamorous experience before, this might require you to do a serious mental work. You see, humans do not fully realize how big the inner tension can be. Everything seems to be all right on a routine level but the deeper you dig, the worse you feel about what’s going on between the two of you. It is completely natural that your life views somehow conflict. On the other hand, you have to step out of your comfort zone to grow as a person and strengthen your wisdom.
#6 Manage your expectations
Do you really want to just date this girl and have no secret wishes? In fact, many people who choose open relationships actually hope to find a decent partner for long-lasting romance. Nearly 45% of one-night standers tell researchers they would like some of their random contacts to develop into love communication. You must be honest not only with your poly partner but with yourself too. Don’t be afraid of thinking about your perspectives – the earlier you detect the problem, the more solutions there are.
#7 She can be vulnerable too
The fact that she goes out with different men (or with women too) at the same time doesn’t mean her heart is made of stone. You might have noticed that polyamorous people are often emotionally detached – they have various complexes they try to overcome by dating multiple partners. No-strings-attached couples rarely stay together for a long time: you might start feeling unappreciated because she fails to commit. Yet do not get abusive! Keep in mind you are responsible for your own decisions.
#8 You will have to hold your feelings back
It is a common thing that people gradually fall in love with their temporary sexual partners. Strictly speaking, dating somebody isn’t the same as being in a relationship with somebody. Yet the first often grows into the second. When you just occasionally hang out with a poly girl, there is a huge risk of getting attached. This wouldn’t be dramatic if she was a normal girl seeking a constant boyfriend. Since she is not, your heart will likely be broken sooner or later. That’s why I hugely recommend you keeping your feet on the ground.
#9 Ask friends’ advice if needed
Sometimes, it is vital to look at your problem from someone else’s perspective. Dating a poly woman may bring numerous difficulties and it is totally wrong to stay alone hoping to solve them. Once you’ve noticed red flags of getting attached to her, you should thoroughly analyze the situation. Are there polyamorous daters who switch to monogamy? Yes, but the percentage of them is quite low. To effectively handle your issue, you will need the help of your dearest people.
#10 Communication is your greatest power
This is what holds any relationship together. If you check some poly communities on the Internet, you will make sure that sincere talking enables them to maintain healthy connections. Strange as it may seem, polyamorous partners can stay together for years if everyone feels satisfied with how it all goes. It’s not enough to realize what’s wrong with you – it is necessary to speak up. It is interesting how adolescents have to master the art of conveying their thoughts to others.
#11 Learn to control your jealousy
Any man likes to be worshipped by his woman. But what if this woman is not willing to care? What if she gives all her tenderness to other men? It is natural that you can get furious thinking about it. As I’ve already told you, polyamorous girls do not typically invest into a relation with one guy. They prefer sharing their attention between all their partners though there might be different degrees of intimacy.
#12 Build the trust
Sounds crazy but this can indeed strengthen a poly relationship. People who experience polyamory say it also helps fix the weak points of your character. We aren’t talking about the traditional conception of trust when a guy definitely knows his significant other will always be faithful. In your case, trust is necessary to feel all right about her other affairs. I mean you become able to perceive her multiple connections as part of the game.
#13 Never forget about contraception!
Regardless of how strongly you are affected by this girl, this should become the golden rule of your love life. You can’t know how many guys she has been with and how many she is about to date. But you can protect yourself from STDs that are, certainly, the biggest pitfall of polyamorous dating. There is hardly a chance for you to become committed lovers so I suggest you use condoms every single time you have sex – remedies only help prevent pregnancy.
#14 Don’t treat her as a piece of property
A poly woman is not yours and, most likely, will never become yours. She belongs to herself and no one else. People who choose to live this way hate being controlled so it’s rather a bad idea to pursue her. The biggest fear of those who support open relationships is that they might get trapped. I guess you know this well if you are keen on poly dating. If you don’t have any serious feelings towards this person, let her do what she wants and enjoy the adventure!
#15 Live your life outside this romance
This is exactly what you should do instead of supervising your partner. We live in times when independence is the key to happiness; the less you rely on other people, the freer you become. Likewise, those whose lives are eventful smoothly go through painful breakups and couple fights. Do not dwell on dating but get as busy with cool things as possible. If your poly relationship ends, you will have something to do to heal your soul.
This post is a sponsored post.
It was NOT written by John Deus